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Unkle Munky Pg 92
Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions. *Munky is also available here... ---- This week Munky is pretending... Band - MGMT. Song - Time to Pretend. *Click here to play... *Videos prone to removal. ---- Bungle's Barely News. Prime Minister Gordon Brown has labelled a video that appears to show a captured British hostage as ‘deplorable.’ Asked if he thought the footage should have been shot using the short-play mode as opposed to the long-play mode, Mr. Brown replied - “Oh fer fuck’s sake! I’m not talking about the poor quality of the recording, you useless hairy idiot!” Ahem. To be quite frank, Unkle Munky, I think I preferred it when Mr. Blair was Prime Minister. At least he had nice teeth to look at when he was bollocking me. I wouldn’t mind, but I’m only doing my job! ---- Advertisement. My skin has never looked better. (Jason Orange) *Severe skin discolouration may ensue if used by those who regularly eat all the pies. ---- Becky from Luton asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Do you happen to know what colour Michael Stipes’ religion is? I think I may have stumbled upon it whilst clearing out my granny’s shed. Unkle Munky says -''' Dear Becky, I have it on good authority that Michael Stipes’ religion is of a lilac hue. I have studied the photos that you sent me and have come to the conclusion that your discovery is nothing more than a severe case of mildew. ---- More from Bungle Bear. A Stephen Hawkins Legoland impostor today claimed to have made a successfully voyage to Mars. Asked if he really expected me to believe his cock and bull story, Hawins replied, “You can think what ya fuckin’ well like, Bungle. You’ve hardly got room to talk. After all, you’re just a bloke in a bear costume!” Ahem. To be quite frank, Unkle Munky, his despicable outburst has upset me immensely. 'Unkle Munky says -' Bear costume? What’s he on about? Bungle replies - I’m fucked if I know. ---- Site Maintenence. ''Jeezus! This could take forever.'' 'Unkle Munky says -' Shut it Mary! ---- Cheryl Tweedy's Big Book of Coat Hangers. Warren from Stevenage asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that the coat hanger was invented before the coat? I suspect that my mate is pulling my plonker again and no mistake. 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Warren, I have consulted ‘Cheryl Tweedy’s Big Book of Coat Hangers’ and can confirm that said item was indeed invented ten years prior to the introduction of coats. According to the delightful Ms. Tweedy, the decade leading up to said discovery was fraught with confusion and creases. Cheryl goes on to explain that the introduction of the hook came some twenty years after the coat and hanger amalgamation. “This only added to the distress of those who had invested in coats…” added the fit bit of Northern totty, “…and subsequently led to the 1974 mass abandonment of sensible outdoor apparel.” I trust this answers your question, Warren, and that you can finally start to trust the word of your good friend. ---- From - Ms. Motion Sickness (Munky’s assistant) To - That smelly primate. ''Dear Unkle Munky, Your somewhat questionable counsel regarding the previous ‘query’ has led to numerous complaints. Many or the emails that I have received on this matter seem sceptical of your motives. Claire from Kingston, for instance, is convinced that said ‘problem’ was a calculated set-up and that ‘Cheryl Tweedy’s Big Book of Coat Hangers’ does not actually exist! She goes on to suggest that you merely invented a lame story in a half-baked attempt to publish a fruity picture of the aforementioned starlet!'' 'Unkle Munky replies -' Dear Ms. Motion Sickness, I shall respond to said complaint when I have returned from the corner shop. I don’t know why, but I have developed an overwhelming need to gobble down a delicious fruit sundae. ''Ms. Motion Sickness adds - Dirty Munky!'' ---- Baroness Thatcher has left hospital after being admitted for tests. Asked if any traces of compassion could be found in her bloodstream, a spokesperson replied, “Who the hell let that fuckin’ useless bear in here!?” Ahem. I wouldn’t mind, Munky, but I am only trying to do my job. ---- More Site Maintenence. ---- Tic for Tac. Ben from Eire asks - Dear Unkle Munky, For the past eleven weeks I have been purchasing ‘The Solar System Explained’ by Sad Twat Publications. This intriguing glossary slowly builds into an impressive library of facts and figures that no Solar System fan would want to be without. Also included with each publictation is a free model component that, over the weeks, enables the reader to construct a scaled down version of the aforementioned solar system. Imagine my dismay then, Unkle Munky, when my local newsagent revealed that edition number twelve of said magazine had sold out! I am proper pissed off and no mistake. What can I do? The authenticity of my model solar system will been thrown into turmoil if I do not get my hands on the final piece! 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Ben, I have contacted Sad Twat Publications and have it on good authority that the latest edition has indeed sold out. You will be happy to hear, however, that I have single handedly solved your problem by substituting the planet Mercury with a Tic Tac. Ben replies - Oh fer fuck's sake! ---- Kelly from Stoke Newington asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my letter regarding Prime Minister’s question time? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Kelly, I did indeed receive said correspondence. I have been requested to inform you that the Prime Minister does not entertain such trivial questions. With this in mind I would suggest that you seek manicure advice from your local beauty parlour. And now, if you do not mind, I have vacuum cleaning practice. Good day! ---- The Final Word. Today’s final word goes to Freddie Mercury… Dear Ms. Sickness, Today’s final word feature seems to be lacking in… words? ''Ms. Motion Sickness replies - Oh that’s because Freddie is dead, Munky. I couldn’t get a word out of him.'' 'Munky says -' But that’s not even Freddie!? ''Ms. Motion Sickness adds - Yeah I know. It’s an impersonator. Like I said, the real one is dead.''' '''Munky -' But couldn’t the impersonator have said somethin… Oh forget it! ---- Unkle Munky is also available here... ---- Next... Previous... Munky's Memos... Return to Munky Menu...